Christmas Do-Over
by Tigerwalk
Summary: A little Christmas story because winterscorp is the bestest person in the whole wide world.


A/N Hi everyone. I know Christmas is over, but I wrote this little story for nwfanmega. Winterscorpion commissioned it, and Sophiasown made it possible with our greatest twinanigans yet. Merry Christmas!

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Rick picked through the remaining rolls of wrapping paper at the little five and dime downtown, wishing he hadn't put this task off until mere days before Christmas. It was slim pickings. He picked out a roll with blue and silver snowflakes, then moved on to the tape and ribbon. Luckily, being the only general store in town, it was one-stop shopping.

The lead up to the holidays was a busy time for the small Sheriff's Department where Rick worked, and wrapping presents and other Christmas prep tended to fall by the wayside. Besides, he wasn't feeling all that Christmassy this year. There was one particular holiday tradition that had come to an end last year, and he was finding the season wasn't nearly as bright without it.

He tucked the roll of wrapping paper under his arm and grabbed a handful of other supplies, his other hand balancing his phone and a coffee, and made his way to the checkout. After talking his ear off about all of the local goings-on, the clerk rang up his purchases, and he pushed out the door into the unseasonably cold air. The weatherman had said they might even get snow for Christmas, as crazy as that sounded. The door jingled as it closed behind him, and he paused to pull his collar up around his neck. That's when he saw her.

"Rick." She pressed a hand to her chest as if the sight of him had startled her. It had certainly startled him to see her climb out of her sleek sedan, dressed in a long red coat and heels. After all that had transpired between them, seeing her now was like seeing a ghost.

"Hi, Michonne." He stepped to the curb to meet her. It occurred to him that his hands were comically full as his brain skimmed over possible greetings like a stone skipping on water. Should he shake her hand? Hug her? Stand there balancing a bag of Christmas supplies and gawk awkwardly? The latter won out.

"Doing some shopping?" she asked when he fell mute.

"Yeah. Hope you weren't here for wrapping paper. I think I bought the last good roll."

Michonne's full lips pulled into a tight smile. It was a far cry from the brilliant one she used to gift him. If he could write a letter to Santa and have his Christmas wish granted, he'd ask for that smile one more time. "Lucky for you I've been done wrapping for weeks," she said.

Of course she had. "Are you here visiting Sasha?" Michonne's sister had stayed in the town they grew up in. She was a firefighter now, and Rick saw her around the station often. Often enough that not asking after Michonne became like another duty when he was at work. Fight crime, do a shit load of paperwork, and don't ask Sasha about her sister. All in a day's work.

Michonne's eyes darted around him at the door to the store. She clearly didn't want to be having this conversation. The realization pressed on his chest.

"Yes," she said curtly. "I'm staying with her."

Rick bobbed his head and shifted his bags. "All right, then. Have a good holiday… if I don't see you."

"You too, Rick." Her mouth softened for just a flicker of a moment and he took a mental snapshot of it and filed it away. They did an awkward shuffle as both of them stepped one way, then the other before he finally moved past her and down the street just as a few snowflakes materialized in the air. He looked back over his shoulder, hoping to find her doing the same, but she'd ducked into the store he'd just left without even a parting glance.

…

Michonne let the door slam behind her, the cluster of jingle bells tied to the knob clattering loudly. She leaned against a shelf of antifreeze and closed her eyes, letting the warmth and vague smell of sawdust from the little store fill her lungs.

_There was no way you were going to avoid it, Michonne. _She knew this, had planned for it, and yet, running into Rick for the first time since their last time stole her breath. How many years had coming home for the holidays meant coming home to him? He _was _King County. They were. When she was in this town, they were them. Until last year, when all of that had come to an end. Now they were making painful conversation on the street like old acquaintances who'd accidentally made eye contact and were forced to say hello. How could the two of them have turned into this?

_Eight Christmases ago._

"_This is so much better than the back of your truck on prom night," Michonne whispered as she snuggled into Rick's pillow. Rick ran his fingers over her bare back and hummed his agreement. The minute she'd gotten off the train for Christmas break, she'd driven straight to Rick's place. He'd left her a key under the mat, and when he arrived home from his last class of the day, they'd picked up exactly where they left off. It had been the same when she'd come home in October for Columbus Day. Every year when she was home for summer; anytime both of them were on break._

"_I don't remember you complaining," he said. "And that truck was a hell of a lot better than your bedroom that last night of summer break with your parents downstairs."_

_Michonne felt her cheeks heat. "Oh my god. Don't remind me. We were so lucky we didn't get caught."_

"_We were pretty lucky, but I can't say I regret taking that memory off to school with me."_

"_Me either. That was a good summer. But now you have your own place."_

"_I do."_

"_And no one is here to catch us."_

"_And no prom dates wondering where we are."_

_Michonne covered her eyes with the blanket. "I still feel bad about that."_

"_I don't."_

"_Yeah well, you were there with Shane's sister. She couldn't care less who you left with. Mike thought we were going somewhere."_

"_Mike should have been glad he got a few hours with a girl like you. The guy was a moron. I know y'all had the soccer thing in common, but what did you even talk about with him?"_

"_Don't be jealous, now. You were the one under my prom dress at the end of the night, and not everyone could be valedictorian with a full AP schedule." _

"_That's right," Rick said with a cocky smile. "There could only be one."_

_Michonne rolled her eyes. "I almost beat you. I think you purposely distracted me during our study sessions for science class so you could get the upper hand."_

"_I distracted you enough that when that project was all over, you left Mike on the dancefloor and drove out to the fields with me." Her belly flipped at the memory. Slow dances and teary end of high school revelry was fun and all, but when Rick had pulled her into the hallway outside of the gym and kissed her for the first time, she knew her prom night was over. And apparently so were any plans she might have over breaks from college. She'd given every one of them to him._

"_That I did." Michonne rolled onto her back and pulled Rick closer, kissing those full lips that she'd just spent the hour becoming reacquainted with. She'd met a few guys in her first couple of years of college, been on plenty of dates, but holidays and summers were Rick's. _

"_This is good," he mumbled against her lips, reading her mind. _

"_It is."_

_He looked at his watch and sighed. "Time to get up, though. We have Maggie's party to get to, and this time you're my date."_

"_Just as long as it ends the same way as prom."_

"_Oh, you know it."_

Michonne shook off the memory of that Christmas break, and all the others that followed, and stood up straight. She brushed her coat with her palms, counting to ten the way she would do when she was distracted before a big soccer game or a test. She still did it now when she had a particularly tough case at work. She felt her nerves begin to calm. She would put Rick out of her mind. There was no way she could avoid him, but she'd gotten the first run-in out of the way, and now she knew what it would be like co-existing here with him when they were no longer them. She would just have to accept it.

…

After she'd pulled herself together at the general store, and picked up the sugar and milk she needed, Michonne got to work whisking some homemade icing together for the cookies she'd baked. Sasha would be home from work soon. Her sister was six months pregnant, and Michonne wanted to surprise her with a treat for letting her stay at the house while she made her arrangements. When the icing was the right consistency, she dipped her finger into the bowl and tasted it. _Perfect. _She'd add a little green coloring and be on her way to making tree cookies.

But not yet. Her phone rang from the table where she had it propped up displaying her recipe, and she wiped her hands on the apron and picked it up. "Hey, Maggie."

Maggie squealed into the phone and Michonne pulled it away from her ear and pressed speaker. "I'm so excited you're home!"

"Me too." She was. Despite her run-in with Rick, spending the afternoon listening to festive music and baking had put her in a Christmassy mood. "When can I see you? Will you have time for coffee in the next day or two?"

"That's why I'm callin'. Glenn and I didn't do our annual Christmas party this year because of all the wedding planning, so instead, we're organizing a night out. We're all going to meet for drinks at The Barn tomorrow night."

Michonne pulled her lip between her teeth, thinking it over. She really wanted to see all of her friends, but there was one thing holding her back from accepting this invite. "Who's going to be there?" she asked, hoping she sounded casual.

"Oh, everyone. Shane, Andrea, Zeke. The usual crew."

The usual crew in high school didn't include Rick, but since then, everyone from KCHS who had settled in town had become like their own club. There was a good chance he'd be invited. But would he go now that he knew she was home? "I'll try to make it," she said safely.

"You're kidding, right? You have to come! When will I see you again?"

"Well, about that…" Michonne stopped herself. She didn't want to tell Maggie this news over the phone. She'd suck it up and go tomorrow night and do it in person. "You're right," she said. "Of course I'll be there."

"Great! Can't wait. Everyone is here and Christmas spirit is in the air. I can feel it!"

Michonne chuckled at her friend's cheer. It would be good for her to get a dose of it.

…

_Maybe this was a bad idea. _Michonne sipped at her gin and tonic and watched everyone she grew up with mill around the tavern. Even if Rick didn't show up tonight, this place was full of memories. The downtown had sprouted a few new places since she'd left town, but when they were kids, The Barn was the only place to hang out. They served food until midnight and, because everyone knew everyone and no one was trying to pull a fast one where their parents dined, the owners let them in to eat a late-night meal even while the adults in town drank beside them. The booth she was seated at, listening to Maggie and Glenn chatter on beside her, had a very specific memory practically burned right into the wood.

_Prom Night 2009 _

_Michonne held the hem of her very expensive jewel-encrusted dress to keep it from dragging on the dirty floor as she followed Rick into the only place in town still open. The hairdo her parents had paid a fortune for was already ruined from rolling around in the back of Rick Grimes' pick up truck, and she'd lost one of her earrings. She didn't need to wreck the dress (a gift for her impressive last semester grades) too. _

_Rick looked over his shoulder at her, his smile shy and cocky at the same time. It was the exact same way she felt. Oh my god. Did that really just happen? Mixed with the feeling of finally getting what she'd wanted for the last two months. They hadn't gone all the way, but they'd certainly come close. Rick was known for his good-boy personality, though. She'd felt safe with him and they'd gone just far enough to turn her budding crush on him into a full-on infatuation. _

_She smiled back at him and they took a booth, squeezing into the same bench so they could keep touching. Rick had removed his tuxedo coat, leaving it in the truck, and he had his shirtsleeves rolled to his elbows. For a guy who spent most of his time with his nose in his textbooks, he'd certainly found a way to build some muscle. Though, everyone knew he worked so hard academically because he wanted to be better off than his family someday. His father owned a ranch on the outskirts of town, and Rick and his brother worked nights and weekends just to keep it afloat. He wanted something better. _

"_What do you feel like eating?" Rick asked. His cheeks were still pink from the way they'd finished prom night, and his jaw was covered in fine stubble. The kind that said they weren't kids anymore. Her belly flipped at the sight._

"_A burger is good," she said. _

_He nodded and set his menu down, snaking his hand under the table to hold hers. "I'm glad we're here instead of back at the dance."_

_Michonne's cheeks flushed, and she dipped her head. "Me too." _

"_I know you're taking off in a few months, college and the city and all that, but we still have graduation and the summer. I want to spend as much of it as I can with you, Michonne."_

"_I want that too."_

"_Good. And when you come home, I'll be here waiting." Rick had plans to go to school locally so he could still help his dad. A lot of people whispered about how it was a waste of his stellar academics to go to the local community college, but Michonne thought it was noble the way he cared about his family. He was noble and sweet, and so many other things. If only they'd done this years ago, instead of just before they had to say goodbye._

"_If you're here waiting," she whispered, "I'll be back as much as I can."_

It wasn't a commitment. They both knew they were on the cusp of a new world after high school, and they'd only just found each other, but it was a promise of sorts. They'd looked at each other in this dirty, sticky booth and said _I know we're young, but you matter, and when we're here, you're mine. _Maybe she'd taken it more seriously than he had. The sting of her last trip home for Christmas burned the corners of her eyes. What had she expected from this whole thing? She never could verbalize it, no matter how many times Sasha had asked her what she and Rick were doing over the years. It's not like she didn't have a whole life elsewhere, but she'd thought they had enough between them that she'd never be caught off guard like that. She'd been so, so wrong.

She discreetly pressed her finger into the corner of her eye and sipped the last of her drink. She opened her mouth to tell her friends she was heading home when Glenn waved at someone over her head.

"Grimes," he said. "Over here."

Her heart sank.

…

When Michonne had seen him come through the door, she'd practically run from the booth she'd been sharing with Glenn and Maggie. _Their booth. _ Now she was swallowed up by a crowd of women, dancing and holding her glass over her head. Every once in awhile, they'd lock eyes. Given that his had been on her the whole night, it was inevitable, but every time it happened, she'd quickly glance away. Part of him wanted to believe she was doing it on purpose, letting him see her having an exaggeratedly festive evening. If that were true, then it meant she still cared.

He'd been in love with her half his life, he realized as he downed another shot of whiskey and watched her hips sway to the music. Half his life he'd spent waiting for the few weeks a year when she was in King County, in his arms, his bed. Then he'd told himself, with a little pushing from his mother, that he was letting his life pass him by, living for a small sliver of time every year. He should have told her. If he was half the man he wanted to be, he would have told her instead of letting her find out the way she did. It hadn't occurred to him to tell her, though, because the entire thing meant nothing. Until it meant everything to what he had with Michonne.

_One Christmas ago_

"_Look at you in this uniform!" Michonne tugged on Rick's belt, forcing him to spin around for her in the middle of the grocery aisle. "I can't believe it."_

"_Yeah, well, a lot of people couldn't." The tips of his ears burned red and he scratched nervously at his brow. "But I never wanted to be a rancher."_

"_No, you didn't." Michonne laughed, her cheeks rounding and blushing pink. "But when you sold the place and started law school, I thought district attorney, judge! But here you are in brown and khaki, writing traffic tickets."_

"_Here I am. I'm going to work my way up, though. I want to be Sheriff one day."_

_She put her hands on her hips and looked him up and down, an affection-filled smile on her lips. "Then you'll be Sheriff one day." His heart nearly split in half. She'd always believed in him. Always accepted whatever he wanted to put his effort into, even if it wasn't what everyone else expected._

"_I'm glad I ran into you," she said, her voice losing its volume. "I usually hear from you before now. Did you get my email saying when I'd be in?"_

_He was standing there mute, letting his heart bleed into his chest while he struggled for an excuse, when Lori called his name. She walked around the corner reading the back of a tub of ice cream, then dropped it in his basket. "Hi," she said, offering her hand to Michonne. "I'm Lori, Rick's girlfriend."_

A month. He'd been dating Lori a month and with that one introduction, the last ten years of his life came to an end. He saw it in Michonne's face, the way her eyes had gone glassy and her lip had quivered. He felt it in the way the bile in his stomach crept up, up, up until he thought he might be sick right there in the frozen foods aisle.

There had been a handful of years mixed in when Michonne didn't make it back to King County for the holidays. He'd understood without her saying anything that she'd been in relationships those years. She'd stayed away to avoid a moment like that. But he couldn't stay away. He lived here. And so he should have told her. It was the biggest mistake of his life. Well, behind not telling her he was in love with her before she ever left. He and Lori had lasted until the new year, and then he'd given up trying to pretend he could ever love anyone else.

The bartender slid another shot his way and he spun the glass around in his hand, studying his boots on the floor.

"You're drowning your sorrows."

Rick's head snapped up to see Michonne standing beside his barstool, her chin held high. "Something like that."

"Maybe I am too." She set her empty glass on the bar and waved to the bartender. The thought of her feeling any sorrow clenched in his belly.

"Michonne…"

She held a hand up, silencing him. "We're going to have to share this town," she said. "We'd better figure out how to do it."

"All I've ever wanted was to share this town with you."

Michonne's lower lip dropped, her eyes widening. It was too little too late, though. Just as quickly, she squared her shoulders and turned toward the bar. "We never had an obligation to each other," she said, staring straight ahead. "I understand that. Maybe things would have been different if we'd thought beyond the next time we were in each other's bed. Maybe we could still be friends if we'd taken more care with it. But the end was inevitable."

"It wasn't-"

"It was, Rick. We set it up that way, didn't we? Sure, we were kids, but we knew what we had and we trudged off into the big world anyway, leaving it behind, making a _choice_ not to take it with us. I didn't realize that was what we'd done until that moment at the grocery store when I felt the bottom fall out of my whole world. We shared so little time in the grand scheme of things, but it was the most important time. We should have… I should have treated it like that."

Michonne's words were water, flowing on the alcohol she'd been drinking all night to show him how well she could live without him. But the sound of her slurring, her voice trembling, made him want to pull her into his arms while her defenses were down. Kiss her until she would just listen. _Please give me a chance. _

"Seeing you with someone else broke my heart," she whispered.

"I know." He could barely get enough volume to rasp out the words, but he made himself keep going. "If I had known your heart was mine to break, I would never have done it. I would have kept it all year round. We could be so good."

"I guess we'll never know." She took the drink the bartender handed her and walked away.

…

This Christmas

"Rick, I can't have you sitting in my house on Christmas Eve pouting into a glass of eggnog!" His mother swatted at him with a dish towel and he didn't even have the energy to dodge it. "What is wrong with you?"

The fireplace flickered across her face, casting shadows that made her look older and meaner than she was. When he'd graduated college with his business degree and turned his parent's ranch around enough to sell it for a nice profit, he'd helped them buy this little house close to the center of town before enrolling in law school. He hadn't grown up here, but it was home to him anyway, and at the moment it was filled with family and friends. And she was right, he was being an antisocial asshole.

"I'm sorry, Mom. It's nothing. Do you need help with anything?"

"Lucky for you, your brother's wife is just as good a cook as I am, and she and I have it covered." The comment about Jeff's marital status was pointed, and he'd received it loud and clear. "But you can go bring in some more firewood."

Rick pulled himself from the groove he'd worn in the couch and nodded. "Sure thing."

"I'll help ya." Rick looked up to see his best friend Daryl shrugging on his coat. Daryl and he had been tight since high school. Well before the Year Of Michonne as Daryl liked to refer to their senior year when Rick had fallen hard for his study partner. Daryl spent Christmas with Rick's family, first when they lived on the ranch and Daryl's family lived out of their car, and even now that they were grown and Daryl had his own home and business in town.

"All right. Let's go," Rick said, forgoing a jacket of his own. The air was breathtakingly cold when they stepped out onto the covered porch. It hit Rick like a punch to the face, and he leaned into it, relishing in the pain.

"The caddy's over there," Rick said, pointing for Daryl as he scooped up an armful of wood.

"Yeah, you can carry your own wood," Daryl said. "I'm out here in the freezing cold to tell you you're being an idiot."

Rick sneered at his friend. "Didn't you hear? I already got that speech."

"No, you got the _stop being an asshole_ speech. This one is a little different. Instead of brooding into your eggnog and cookies, why don't you get in that truck of yours and fix whatever you did to fuck this up."

"Thanks for the pep talk, but it's a lot more complicated than that."

"The hell it is. I was there the other night too. Can't imagine why you think that women is over you."

"She said as much."

"She looked you in the eye and said no way?"

Rick sighed and dropped the wood. "Not exactly. She said it could have been different but it wasn't."

"Then make it different."

"It's not that easy."

"The hell it ain't."

"You keep saying that. Doesn't make it true."

"Look, Grimes, I've known you a long time, and the one thing you ain't never grown out of is being a goddamn perfectionist. There's never been a thing in your life that you wanted that you didn't grab by the balls. Seems to me, this one might be the most important of them all."

Rick's chest contracted, his heart feeling like it was going to break again. "You're right about that," he choked out.

"Then go." Rick met Daryl's eyes and he thought about what he was saying. Daryl was wrong; he'd failed before. But there'd never been a time he hadn't tried.

"Tell my mother I got a thing to do," he said.

Daryl nodded and gathered some wood. "I think she'd understand if you didn't come back tonight."

Rick nodded, then darted across the frosty lawn to his truck. He'd left the keys inside and he started it, thankful for the warm air from the vents. This was the coldest Christmas he could ever remember, but he hoped by the end of the night, he might have some warmth back in his life.

…

All of the lights were off at Sasha's house when Rick arrived. His mother's Christmas Eve celebrations lasted into the night, but most of the town had already turned in, including Michonne. He pulled his truck into the circular driveway, flipping off his headlights.

Sasha lived in Michonne's parent's old house. He'd been there before, and it wasn't the first time he'd snuck there after everyone went to bed. That night had been hot and stuffy, and instead of dead and covered in frost, the fields behind her house had been lush and fragrant with the scent of summer.

_The night before Michonne left for college 2008_

_Rick gathered a handful of pebbles from the grass of Michonne's front yard and tiptoed around the corner. The screen room was just below Michonne's window and it would be a hard angle to toss them over it and into the glass of the top sash of her window. If this worked, though, it would make getting up there a cinch. _

_He spotted an old stump on the edge of the yard and he stepped up onto it, giving himself an extra foot. He tossed the first pebble and it bounced off the sill and tumbled down the roof of the screen room. He dug another, bigger one from his palm and tossed again. It hit the glass with a loud tink. He tried for the same angle and made it. Another tink. By the third one, her light flicked on._

"_You're insane," she said as soon as she lifted the screen._

_He smiled and used a garbage can to launch himself up to the roof of the screen room, stepping carefully and quietly through her window. She'd been sleeping in shorts and a tank top and when he saw her, he couldn't help his reaction. He pulled her in for a kiss, walking them backward until they tumbled onto her bed._

"_What are you doing here, Rick? We already said goodbye. I'm leaving in like..." she checked her clock, "seven hours."_

"_Spend just one of them with me."_

"_Okay."_

They'd been in the room alone a few times, most of the times they were together that summer were in his truck or on a blanket in one of the hay fields. But that night they'd been each other's firsts and he knew now, they'd only ever been each other's only.

Walking the same path he had that night, he grabbed a couple of frozen pebbles and crept around to her window. He prayed Sasha's husband didn't have his gun on him.

It took a couple more pebbles than the last time, but finally, the warm yellow light of Michonne's bedside lamp flicked on, spilling onto the roof below. Then her window flew open. She was wearing flannel pajamas, much more than she had been all those years ago, but still the sight of her fevered his blood. "Rick?"

"Michonne. I thought about what you said, and you're wrong."

"What time is it? You're insane. If Sasha wakes up, she'll shoot you."

"I'm willing to take the chance. You're wrong, Michonne. We _can_ know what would happen if we treat this right. All we have to do is try."

"Rick." She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and the sight of her tears was too much.

"Michonne, I love you. I've been in love with you for years. Forever. Since the day we were assigned to study together. I knew it that night at prom. And that night before you left, I knew it more than I've ever known anything. But it was you who was going off to a bigger world. Not us. And I wasn't going to be the thing that stopped you. If I had known… if I ever could have known you wanted me to be a part of that, I would have lived my whole life differently."

Michonne sniffed, tipping her head to the sky. "It's not your whole life."

"What?"

"I said it's not your whole life." She pulled the collar of her pajamas up. "Hold on."

A moment later, he heard the front door open and she ran out onto the lawn in her pajamas and snow boots. Rick rushed to meet her. "It's not your whole life, Rick. It was just a small part of it. You're right, we can know. I'm moving home."

"What? Back to King County?"

"Yes. Sasha is going to have a baby and I want to be here for that. The truth is, I've always felt more me when I'm here. I knew after last year that that was because this was where _me _was _us_. Then there wasn't us anymore, and I didn't think I could handle it. But my life has brought me back here and I think it was for a reason."

He took her in his arms and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I think it was too."

"So you want to do this for real this time?"

"More than anything." Rick tipped her chin up, kissing her with all of the feeling he'd been holding onto for ten years. When he pulled away, that brilliant smile was back, and snowflakes were falling in her hair.

"It's snowing," she said, her eyes wide with disbelief.

Rick only shrugged. With Michonne in his life, anything was possible.


End file.
